Setting up for Radiation

After a few weeks recovery from my very last chemo we are beginning the Radiation phase of this whole process.  I just noticed that I say "we" a lot.  I suppose this is all happening to just ME but it is a process that AL my family has gone through and been affected by so maybe that is fair to say.  Anyway, we had our first appointment with my oncology radiologist, Dr. Clark, who is incredible.  We spent quite a while discussing what to expect from radiation and it's purpose.  Basically, chemo targets the cells in my entire body through the chemotherapy drugs given intravenously through my port-o-cath, hoping to kill off any remaining cancer cells.  Radiation will now target only the area were the cancer was found, in my left breast area.  It is like getting an x-ray.  From what we understand Radiation will cause fatigue and sunburn to the area being radiated.  We learned a lot today and our doctor is so good to us.  Then they set me up.  This part of the appointment took just under an hour of me laying flat with my arms above my head so they could measure out the area that will be targeted.  It was fascinating to see the precision with which they use.  My body was contorted to lay just so.  Every millimeter mattered.  It was painful to lay with my arms up for so long in a funny position.  I finally had to ask if I could put them down but was denied or it changed the grid they were mapping out on me.  Again...fascinating.  I also received my first tattoos which are really only little freckle dots that mark the region.  But that hurt too.  A little ink on the spot and then a pin prick.  About 8 of those.  I'll never be a good tattoo candidate.  I'm a wuss.  I do hate all these doctors appointments.  There is such a vulnerability I feel when I experience a new test or process.  Still, I feel this is the right course for me and trust my doctors with my care.  Radiation starts in 2 days.  It is scheduled for every work day Monday-Friday for 6 weeks.  That is 28 times.  The actual radiation appointment should take only about 20 minutes.  Here we go with the next round of this cancer process.    

6th and final chemo treatment

Well, it was a go!! 6th and final chemo was yesterday (thurs.) on a beautiful sunny, birds-chirping, angels singing, rainbows and bucket of gold kinda day.  Maybe that's just how I felt to have it happen.  Levels were still a bit low but where they needed to be to continue.  Looks like I am taking a beating like Rocky when he fights againstApollo Creed,  Mr. T, and Ivan Drago ("I. WILL. BREAK. YOU.").  After a few rounds of getting a beating, my cells, blood, and heart are just not as strong and resilient.  But I am planning on coming back with a good whoopin' of my own.  Why can't the Rocky theme music just spontaneously play outloud in my life like it does in my head?  That would be awesome!  I'll work on that.  After much thought the Dr. decided to lower the dosage of chemo 1/3rd since it has been too toxic for my body the last two treatments.  Not desirable but he has no choice.  He doesn't want to kill me on the very last one.  Thank you for that.  All should be just fine.  Radiation begins in about 1 month.  So the schedule is to feel yucky for the week and then party planning shall resume.  Thanks for your thoughts and support.  Love you all.  

#6 chemo support group
Brandalee, Brendon, Audralyn, DeLonne w/ kids, me, mom

6th Chemo....psych!

My 6th and final chemo was scheduled for Jan. 17, 2011.  There was great rejoicing and happy anticipation for this chemo.  Is it possible to rejoice for a chemo?  More like we were excited to be done with this leg of the journey.  My most excellent big sister, Audralyn, came up from Katy, Texas to be with me for this last chemo and help take care of me and my family all the next "sick" week.  I was so looking forward to have her be a slug with me.  I felt prepared and ready.  The night before, all the YW and leaders in my ward had a "congrats on your last chemo" party for me with pink balloons, cupcakes, and the dearest notes expressing their love and support.  I was ready to go.  Still, I couldn't help but feel like maybe it wasn't going to happen.  I didn't want to be a stinkin' thinkin' kinda gal but I had noticed a lot of bruising on my legs, knowing that may very well be the result of low  levels.  Upon meeting with the doctor he thought it was my 5th chemo.  I was QUITE sure I have been counting and it was my 6th and final.  As he looked up my info and read my blood levels, he announced, "Well, this would have been your 6th.  We will not be doing chemo today."  I was devastated.  My mom was there, my Texas sister, and my oldest brother, Larry, who had taken the day off from work.  I was stunned and really bummed.  The doctor said he did not know how I was walking around with my levels so low.  He could not understand why my body is reacting the way it is.  Everyone is different.  Mostly, I felt fine and dandy but as he questioned me, I realized that was why I was so out of breath, so tired, and bruising so easily.  He directed me immediately the next day to get a blood transfusion.  I guess my state was a little more alarming than I realized.
I still received the Herceptin medication but I left feeling just about the same as when I came.  We decided to go to lunch to celebrate just being together.  My oldest brother, Larry with all of his sisters and my mom.  I was in a bit of a mourning state and very sad.  It is frustrating to continue to try and schedule my life only to be reminded that I am not in control here.  How is it that my body can be so foxy on the outside yet so sick on the inside?:)  Went home totally wiped out, white as a ghost.  Enjoyed a dinner with my family and parents provided by my younger brother, Brian (who lives in Oklahoma and arranged it for us to help during chemo).  Oh yeah--I didn't have chemo....blasted!
And so, I spent 8 hours the very next day receiving some wonderfully generous stranger peoples blood.  4 units exactly.  The nurses couldn't believe I was walking in there with so much pep.  I didn't really know I shouldn't have pep.  They explained to us that if you place sand, dirt, rocks, and gravel in a jar then fill it with water the levels are good.  But take away all the dirt, gravel, etc. substance and the water level lowers.  The dirt represents my cells that chemo is killing off so without them (red, white, platelets) then the blood level decreases greatly.  To give an example, my platelet level was at 18, but needed to be between 130-440.  They could not remember the last time they gave 4 units of blood to someone.  Sure must be special.   Audralyn and I sat and chatted soon to be joined by my other sisters, Charalece, DeLonne, and Lareen, and my mom, Dayton in-laws,  great friend Michaun, and wonderful husband, Brendon.  It was deemed the "party room" whenever someone came.  Although the experience felt a little creepy,and definitely not desired at all, it turned out to be a great time visiting with loved ones.
How lucky am I to just be able to visit for 8 hours straight with awesome people!
Now my REAL 6th and last chemo is scheduled for tomorrow, Thurs. Jan. 27.  Well, let us pray that it happens.  I did feel better after receiving my new blood and am sure I either got blood from an extra menopausal woman or some spicy Latin blood cause my hot flashes have sure kicked it up a notch this past week.  "I'm hot blooded" as the 80's song proclaims.  I have endured all the vampire jabs and jokes of all the multiple personalities I have absorbed into my blood.  One brother, Greg, offered to give me his BYU blue blood.  So generous.  Well, here's to hoping for the best.

Friend & sisters group attending the temple the morning of chemo #6.  Ali Rae Mecham (pretty much my sister), and sisters Audralyn, DeLonne, me, Lareen, & Charalece

#6 Fake chemo treatment support group.  Mom, Larry (oldest brother), DeLonne, (twin sister), her son Ashton & daughter Brooklyn, and Audralyn (older sister).  No chemo this day because of low blood levels.  

5th Chemo--A real Merry Christmas

Thurs., Dec. 23 was the scheduled date for my 5th chemo.  We were not super excited about that knowing the beginning of the hard days would fall on Christmas.  Still, we are well aware that one "hard" Christmas of chemo will hopefully allow me many more wonderful Christmases in the future.  And so, we were well prepared mentally for the occasion.  We made sure presents were bought and wrapped beforehand.  In fact, my wonderful neighbors have come in each week to help clean my home, helping in that capacity, and one great friend, Tawnie, stayed behind to help wrap gifts with me.  What a wonderous act of kindness that was as I, in turn, was able to focus on doing activities with my kids and create some fun memories.  Brendon took Jaxson and Bridger down with him on Dec. 20 to help coach the Lone Peak basketball team in a tournament in St. George (they won).  They had a blast for 4 days.  I stayed behind for fun with our 4 girls. My in-laws took us out to dinner, on the 20th-- always a treat.  We celebrated Millie's 3rd birthday on the 21st (we celebrated Bridger's superhero 7th birthday on Dec. 16th).  We had just had a big snow storm so we went sledding all day for her birthday topping the day off with a birthday/Christmas celebration at our good neighbors, the Lindley's.  That was a fun day.  Dec. 22, the girls and I, along with two cousins, decided to go ice skating.  They all did great.  Millie used a little ice walker freeing me up to take video and pictures.  Finished the day off with a trip to BYU bookstore and dinner with Granna.  It was a busy and quite fulfilling few days.  I know I was packing in the activities knowing I would be out of commission for the next few days.  Well worth it.
     Chemo day came Dec. 23rd.  I was ready.  Brendon's mom, my daughters, Brinley and Bailey, and my sister, Brandalee all joined me in support for my 5th chemo session.  They hooked my port up and drew blood.  Soon after I met with Dr. Bott.  We talked about my health.  Turns out my body is NOT in  good shape to receive the chemo right now.  The concern is my platelet and red blood cell levels.  I learned a few things.  I've been so focused on the white blood cell levels (the affects on my immune system) that I didn't realize that chemo is really affecting my platelet levels, the bone marrow, which is what controls the clotting of my blood.  I am at 43 and the target level needs to be 130-440.  My red blood cell level is low as well.  Everything is low which is to be expected to a certain extent but if levels are too low, it can be dangerous to proceed.   It is a reminder how brutal chemo is on our body.  I tried to protest exclaiming that I feel just fine.  But Dr. Bott reminded me that I do not want to end up with spontaneous bleeding inside and land in the hospital.  I have to admit that I was bummed.  I was mentally prepared and all planned for the next week of yuckiness.  This now pushes everything back one week and I just want to be done.  But then I remembered what a Christmas miracle this is!  Now I was able to feel fantastic for Christmas which I am so grateful for.  It WAS hard to walk out of there with STILL 2 chemo treatments left  but it has been a wonderful time with my kids and husband and I don't take that for granted at all!  We had Christmas Eve with my in-laws and Christmas Day dinner with my parents.  My mother-in-law, Judi had someone make awesome pajamas with the breast cancer ribbon and hearts pattern for all the girls in the family,  So darling and thoughtful!  We love them!
     So now, chemo will be this week, Dec. 30 just in time for Jaxson's 14th birthday on Dec. 31. (yes, that is 3 of our children with December birthdays.  That's how we roll around here).   We will be welcoming a New Year full of hope, only 1 chemo left and so much gratitude for life!  Thank you to amazing family and well wishers at this Christmas season.  We are especially thankful to remember the birth of our Savior.  It has been a very Merry Christmas!!!

#5 "fake" treatment support group
Judi (mom-in-law), daughters Bailey & Brinley

sister, Brandalee at #5 fake chemo

Christmas FHE with Gpa and Gma Dayton

Millie's 3rd birthday

Sledding for Millies 3rd Birthday

Christmas story at the Lindley's

DeLayne and my girls in our new Christmas PJ's

Jaxson, Brinley, Bailey, Bridger, Olivia, Millie in 2010 Christmass PJ's

#5 real chemo treatment support group--My mom, Jaxson (my son), Tricia (my sister-in-law)

#5 real chemo treatment

After chemo treatment with sister, Lareen, her daughter, Bethany, and sis-in-law, Tricia

Family Night at Temple Square

Dec. 13 our family went up to stay at the Kimball hotel with my sister Charalece and her family.  We met at Crown Burger, kind of a tradition to eat there.  Yummy food but soon discovered not so good for my tummy during this time of my life.  I have learned I have to be careful with a few things I eat.  Greasy stuff especially.  We then returned to the hotel and walked down to temple square to see the Christmas lights.  It was a really fun night and very calm weather.  We spent the night at the hotel with kids sleeping everywhere.  Fun memory with cousins.  Slept in the next morning and took the kids to school just a little late.  We don't do that often but thought it would be a fun get away and Christmas memory.  Loved it!
     Dec. 15th Jaxson rocked out with his friend, John on their guitars duuring lunch hour at their Jr. High for "Battle of the Bands."  They call themselves "The Band."  They were awesome and are really good.  I was so happy to be there cheering him on with John's parents, Hollie and John.  We bought Jaxson his new guitar for Chritmas and gave it to him a little early so he could maximize his rock out!  Well done!

Dayton kids at Temple Square in SLC

Jaxson (left) and John--"The Band"

4th Chemo

My 4th Chemo was on Dec. 3, 2010.  All went well and normal.  After checking my blood they determined my levels to be low but that is expected and so they proceeded with the chemo.  I have a little singing group of just under 40 kids and our 1st performance was that very same night at the Festival of Trees.  Somehow when I scheduled the performance way back in the summer I didn't plan on cancer and chemo fell right on the same day as the Festival.  What do ya do? You just do it.  Chemo makes me feel quite yucky and tired right on the initial day so I was a bit worried about maybe getting a rest in before the night.  Turns out that wasn't to be.  With 5 of my own kids to get ready and making sure we got there in plenty of time, no rest was allowed.  I did not feel well but it turned out to be the best thing for me.  What a great distraction.  I didn't have time to focus on how lousy I was feeling.  I was able to focus on those great kids and all their families who came to watch and support.  Those kids were incredible!  They performed better than I have ever seen.  It was a blast to be a part of and I love them all!  I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to teach them a few Christmas songs to perform.  So Fun!  And of course the Festival of Trees is such an amazing event with a wonderful spirit of giving and love there.  My little group has performed a few more times this Christmas season but that Festival of Trees was our best.  I teared up in gratitude for a chance to be there and watch all their hard work performed so darling.  It was a blast!
     This 4th round of chemo was awful as expected but not as bad as the 3rd.  Just the normal bad week with two good weeks to follow.  It seems to take just a little more each time to get my giddy-yup back but it eventually comes and I continue trottin' again.  Once again, I am convinced the prayers of family and friends are heard by the Lord who has blessed our family with great days.  I have also been so grateful to one of my best friends since childhood, Ali Rae, who has made the effort before each chemo to take me to the temple with her.  My sister, Charalece, came this last time as well and we had such a great , peaceful experience.  We were reminded by the sealer that we go to the temple out of obedience and service, to renew the Holy Ghost in us, and now the Lord would consecrate our performance.  (2 Nephi 32:9).  We all left a little teary-eyed feeling the spirit witness that truth to us. It was a Good day.  

Thoughts

Had a fantastic thanksgiving with great people, lots of noisy kids,  and great food!!I have had some really great days since the chemo #3.  That was a tough one.  My dad explained to me that by the 3rd round my body's immune system is at it's very low and just has no fight left whatsoever so chemo's negative effects were more severe.  More nausea than ever, more debilitating fatigue.  Brendon was amazing.  During my worst day he ran our children here, there, and everywhere to get them where they needed to be.  It was absolutely crazy and I was helpless.  I do love him.  Family took over keeping our kids for overnighters in order to keep me free of illness.  Neighbors brought meals. Bless them all.  I have to say, it was quiet around here.  Normally that would be dreamy for a tired mom who may need a break but, though necessary, I was lonely and discouraged to be laying around feeling helpless, useless, ill and utterly, depressingly fatigued.  It is not in my nature and I do not like it.  Maybe this next round I will watch some uplifting Christmas shows to keep the spirits high.  I find myself anxious going in for chemo 4 this thurs. Dec.2.  Had a bit of a meltdown last night.  Brendon stopped what he was doing and just listened to me.  So great.  Knowing what's coming doesn't help and I sense that feeling of dread build up in me.  I also feel such pressure to get everything done beforehand knowing that I will be out of commission for a week or so.  Crazy, I know.  That doesn't seem like too many days but I feel like I just can't keep up with everything going on right now.  I am constantly playing catch up.  My kids activities, my  church calling, our families, scheduled appointments, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, and all the little things that come our way.  I lose touch with life outside myself.  But it will all work out.  The Lord has blessed me in ways that I know are personally for me.  I believe that.  We will get done what needs to be and the rest can deal with it.  Good days are ahead.  I do love eggnog and yummy breakfasts.  Some things to be grateful for.  Loves and Besos