Monday, November 29, 2010
Thoughts
Had a fantastic thanksgiving with great people, lots of noisy kids, and great food!!I have had some really great days since the chemo #3. That was a tough one. My dad explained to me that by the 3rd round my body's immune system is at it's very low and just has no fight left whatsoever so chemo's negative effects were more severe. More nausea than ever, more debilitating fatigue. Brendon was amazing. During my worst day he ran our children here, there, and everywhere to get them where they needed to be. It was absolutely crazy and I was helpless. I do love him. Family took over keeping our kids for overnighters in order to keep me free of illness. Neighbors brought meals. Bless them all. I have to say, it was quiet around here. Normally that would be dreamy for a tired mom who may need a break but, though necessary, I was lonely and discouraged to be laying around feeling helpless, useless, ill and utterly, depressingly fatigued. It is not in my nature and I do not like it. Maybe this next round I will watch some uplifting Christmas shows to keep the spirits high. I find myself anxious going in for chemo 4 this thurs. Dec.2. Had a bit of a meltdown last night. Brendon stopped what he was doing and just listened to me. So great. Knowing what's coming doesn't help and I sense that feeling of dread build up in me. I also feel such pressure to get everything done beforehand knowing that I will be out of commission for a week or so. Crazy, I know. That doesn't seem like too many days but I feel like I just can't keep up with everything going on right now. I am constantly playing catch up. My kids activities, my church calling, our families, scheduled appointments, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, and all the little things that come our way. I lose touch with life outside myself. But it will all work out. The Lord has blessed me in ways that I know are personally for me. I believe that. We will get done what needs to be and the rest can deal with it. Good days are ahead. I do love eggnog and yummy breakfasts. Some things to be grateful for. Loves and Besos
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I love you sweetie, you are amazing! You are so right on that the important stuff will get done and the rest just kind of fades away. We surely have to learn that as mom's of big families. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and come clean your house or something. It's a bummer being so far away. I am so glad you are surrounded by wonderful family and friends!
ReplyDeleteLoves....
I can't imagine what you're going through. I watched my mother in law go through breast cancer and it looked brutal. You are STRONG! I will continue praying for you and will add you to the temple roll here in Arizona. Can't have enough prayers! Stay strong! You're amazing! So glad you have a wonderful, supportive husband to help you get through this. WHat a blessing! You're loved by many people! We're all here pulling for you!
ReplyDeleteLove and miss you. It was so good to see you at Hairspray. Thanks for being such a wonderful person!
ReplyDeleteHugs. I hope and pray that you feel better SOON! You're amazing.
ReplyDeletehang in there! you are doing so well even though you have bad days, it's okay. I think being down like this is particularly hard on mothers, young mothers, who want so much to do Christmasy things with their little ones, keep things normal but you are learning an important lesson that taking time, slowing down and only filling your life with the necessary will bring you that spirit in your home without the busyness that sometimes detracts.
ReplyDeleteListen to Rachelle. :) She has been through it all with me, and she gets this. Slow down, say no a little more and this is the time #4 - #6 to be a little selfish for your own health. Take time, and meditate through the hard times. You're gonna make it. This is the time to close the circle a little and concentrate on the things that are important, like breathing, realizing what is happening that's going "right" and for the little tender mercies like the times you're not hot flashing...and you can get a little sleep here and there. Rachelle Pew is a wise woman and got me through it. You have probaby half the 8th ward praying for you and me too. I'm only a text away babe. Lean on us. We're here for you.
ReplyDeleteDelayne I am so sad to hear you are going through such a hard time. Lynna directed me to your blog. I hope and pray for the best for you! You have always been such a happy upbeat person and I know with your attitude and strength you will be able to get through this. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and can enjoy that time with your sweet family.
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