My AMAZING ward family!

Today was church day and an absolutely amazing church day.  I walked into the foyer at our ward building only to see my cute YW Beehvies (I am maybe 2 weeks newly called as the 2nd counselor in our YW--hooray for me!!) holding buckets at the doors to the chapel.  With a smile I said, "Are you collecting money for something girls?"  just as they handed me a small pink ribbon.  I stared at it for a moment confused until it registered that they were handing everyone the small pink ribbon symbol in support of me.  Little 'ol me.  I walked into the chapel and broke down crying that ugly kind of cry.  I was literally shaking and have never been so humbly surprised in my life.  And the kicker was that I am ward chorister so I had to stand up in front of the congregation to lead the songs as a wreck.  Plus they released me from my ward music director/ward choir director calling that I loved so much. I was sad for that but knew it was coming.   I was quite emotional as one might imagine to see the see of pink ribbons on both young and old.  And how awesome to see every deacon pass the sacrament and walk up and down the aisles wearing pink ribbons.  We were all teary eyed but I stood up with a huge happy smile on my face as I directed those songs.  What wonderful people who I love with all my heart.  Thank you to all of those good neighbors and girls who put that together ( you know who you are) and all the ward members for supporting it.  We feel your love and prayers and they have uplifted us so much.  What an incredible gesture for us!!!!  Thank you Thank you!

We ended the with a delicious dinner with the "fancy" dishes at my mom and dad's home with loving family.  Visitng with them was so wonderful and sweet.  Brother Larry even came down and shared some very tender, thoughtful feelings with me.  I am learning that this is almost harder for my loved ones than me.  It is hard for them to imagine me going through this.  How I love them all.  It was such a rewarding day. 

Reality sets in

Today has been my toughest and the biggest reality check of all.  We met with Dr. Tittensor who will be my surgeon to remove the tumor.  After checking me out she sat down with us to explain our two options.  We could choose a lumpectomy which means to simply remove the lump, and follow up with radiation as long as the lymph nodes are clear of any cancer.  With my diagnosis of ductal carceonoma insitu this is what we expected--fairly low maintenance, no big deal, get in there and snip, snip and get on with it.  Our second choice was to have a mastectomy done on the left breast which would also test the nodes and is usually accompanied by chemotherapy and radiation.  I half listened to that part until she said that the mastectomy route is what she recommended for my situation due to the size of my tumor.  She contuinued to explain the procedures when I suddenly felt huge tears welling up and falling from my eyes.  I was in complete shock.  Shock, shock shock.  That had not crossed my mind for one second.  I remember thinking "isn't a mastectomy what older people do?"  It felt so drastic to me.  I sat in stunned silence while Brendon asked question after question.  Although emotional himself, he had his wits about him enough to find out information we needed to proceed and make the best decision.  I sat there thinking and questioning my doctor if she thought I should have done something about my lump earlier and beating myself up for not listening to my body better and being more concerned.  Maybe we could have caught this earlier when it had not grown so big where a lumpectomy could have been done instead.  Why had I lived with this for under a year instead of becoming more poractive in my health.  She told me I cannot play the "what if" game because we don't know when it all started and I did do just what I should have which was come in for a follow-up mammo.  Instead we need to deal with the here and now.  Is this seriously my life right now?  Am I seriously a cancer patient facing a mastectomy and all that comes with it?  We were comforted by our Dr.'s confidence and optimism in our situation and how she could help us.  She is the most wonderful person and we have heard such amazing things about her abilities as a surgeon.   I sat there and realized for the first time the severity of my situation.  Not really a "snip, snip" deal anymore but instead more like a "chop, chop."  I suppose my way of dealing with trials is to down play in order to cope.  "It's no big deal....it's all good" kinda mind frame.  I did not feel that way today.  The magnitude of it all hit me hard and I broke down with true saddness for the fist time.  So much to process.  We called my parents on the way home.  Up until now, my mom was sure I was in denial of my true feelings but today she got an earful as the floodgates opened.  The rest of this day has been spent on the phone with family, or with wonderful visitors who all just want to help in some way.  It is a shock to us all.  Tomorrow we meet with the plastic surgeon, Dr. Bishop, who works well with Dr. Tittensor.  We shall learn what to expect on the reconstruction route.  This is all happening so fast.  One thing is for sure...guess we won't be done with this thing by the end of the month afterall.:)  End of the year?  I am starting to realize that I am really not in control of anything right now.  I know that our biggest concern has to be getting rid of the cancer.  We continue to pray. So much wondeful support.

Great day for Boating!

Went boating on Utah Lake on this beautiful sat. with my twin sister DeLonne and her 5 boys (she is expecting her first girl in Oct.--hooray!) and my other sister Charalece and her kids.  Just thought we shouldn't waste a great boating day just cuz we got some news about a little cancer.  Loved the water, loved driving the kids around on the tube and watching them fly off, loved the laughter.  First timers for the Hucks boys who seemed a bit tenative at first but warmed up quickly and went crazy after that.  We went in on a boat with a good friend of ours and are new to it this summer.  Our family has loved every moment out on any lake.  Just got back from a fantastic Bear Lake vacation with another sister, Lareen and her family just days before the cancer news.  It has been a fantastic thing to do together as a family.  Not sure how many more days we will get out on the Lake so wanted to take advantage today.  Got a phone call in the middle of boating fun to schedule an MRI for mon. before we meet with our surgeon tues.  Kind of brought me back to reality again.  This is really happening so fast.  I am nervous about these unknown procedures.  I suppose for now, I'll just enjoy each moment instead of looking too far ahead.  Great day of boating!  Thanks for going with me sis.'s!

Ummmm..I have WHATY?

Well, there you have it.  The radiologist called me today to explain my situation here.  It appears I  have cancer in my left breast.  I am stunned and it seems a bit unreal.  My spirits are pretty good and I know things will work out.  The word is getting out and phone calls are coming in already with stunned well-wishers.  Brendon sent an email out to family very concerned.  I'll include that first and then follow up with an email I sent out with more info and a bit lighter feel.  I can teel Brendon is very, very concerned.

Hi Everyone

We found out this morning that DeLayne has breast cancer. We hoped this would not be the result of her tests.
Fortunately, we seem to have caught things early on and as far as the doctors can tell it has not spread. We meet with a surgeon on Tuesday and we'll know more once she's been operated on, but all indications are that we'll be able to get this taken care of.
I know cancer is a terrible thing, but as far as having cancer goes we have every reason to believe they'll be able to remove this and she'll be fine.
We love you and ask that you pray and fast for DeLayne.
Brendon

"Hey Family. Did not want Bruno's email to alarm but I see that 'tis too late for that for the alarm bells are a ringin' and we have been gettin many a phone call and email. Yes, we have a little bugger of breast cancer and by "we" I do mean "me" for that would not be a good thing for Brendon. Here is the scoop. Last year I felt a lump, went to have it checked and had a mammogram, they called and said it was a cyst and that was normal, nothing to worry about. Over this next year I have felt like it was growing so I went in for a follow up this last Wed. aug. 18. They determined I needed an ultrasound done and from there it appeared there had been growth and change so they performed a biopsy which was lovely. Owwie up there. (Ps ladies...if you feel a lump, insist on an ultrasound which I did not know the first time and they should have done). Test result came back yesterday that it is cancerous. It is called ductal carcenoma insitu grade 3. The cancer is contained in the duct. No invasion to the breast tissue as far as they can tell. Prognosis is super good. I have the "good" cancer which is just about right for me and the only kind I will allow. Super high percentage of recovery. MRI scheduled for Mon., surgery consult scheduled for tues. with my surgeon who happens to be named Dr. Tittensor which I thought quite funny in my juvenile way. She MUST know what she is doing with a name like that!:) We will have a little surgery, be out for a few days and back in business. Once surgery is done they will know the extent of it for sure. Surgery TBA. Radiation may needed but most likely not chemo. Some have already claimed we will have a head shaving party but that may be treacherous for some namely my hubby whose hair may not grow back. So there you have it. We will update you when we know more.

Now the real concern here is how lopsided will I be? This is a golf ball size so I'm assuming it'll make a difference. So I have decided that when you see me after the surgery you make a point to tell me how perky and even I look. That'll help.;) I'm pretty sure we should've had another baby cause after nursing 6 kids my boosies must be bored so they decided to do something radical. It's a lesson for us all. And I've just been thinking about the scar the surgery will leave. I've decided to tell people something romantic like I got gored by a bull when they see it...well I supppose people really won't see it now will they?   I'm sure to get some free dinners out of this right?! Sweet! That's always a good thing. I'll have to milk it for all it's worth....oh...no pun intended Hee-hee.

So please know that I am thrilled to have the spotlight on me whilst on stage but am a wee bit embarrased in this case. This little ditty is not quite as brutal as many women have to deal with. Let us not get all ruffled about. If you are having a hard time coping, call me and I will talk you through it. I am fortunate, blessed, lucky. Still a few unknowns but I am confident. I still got a lot of living to do. Let's get in, get out, and get on with it already. I will gladly accept any fasting and prayers. Thank you for offering. And I will gladly accept any bills over $100.:) There is talk of a fast tomorrow if anyone is in the mood. I think I will be. So...here's to breaking up the hum-drum of our daily lives and sticking a little action in there. It'll all be over and fine and we'll wonder why we sorried so. And that is the truth. I am good....rrrrreal good.

Super love your guts, and all our boosies. Love, DeLayne (a.k.a. "Leftie" :)

Going for a Mammo

Today I went in for my second mammogram in under 1 year.  Before last Sept 2009 I had noticed a lump in my left breast--not too small, easily detectable.  I know the seriousness of that so I did not hesitate to visit my Gynocologist and he reassured me to schedule a mammogram at AF hospital.  Report from that came back that it was a cyst--it might go away, it might not but nothing to be concerned about.  Maybe I should have had it taken out but it is not in my nature to worry so I did not.  Still, ever aware of the lump, I noticed it seemed to be growing.  I made an appointment for another mammo and expressed my concern about growth so they scheduled an ultrasound as well.  As we were doing the ultrasound today the radiologist (who was awesome) came in and told me he remembered my mammo from last year and was very concerned because he easily noticed a change.  He told me that anytime a lump is invovled, an ultrasound should be done as well.   I did not do that last year.  He said we needed to do an immediate biospy and send it in.  I was in shock and knew something had to be wrong.  The biopsy was a trip and crazy.  He said just by looking at the ultrasound it may be cancerous.  So there we have it.  Reports go in today and we should find out by Fri.  What in the world?  I feel perfectly fine going on with life doo-dee-doo and then HELLLLOOOOO!  Well, we shall see what is to come.  Very strange.  Brendon very concerned. Lots going through my brain.

Intro to my blog

This is me starting a blog for the purpose of updating loved ones on my condition as I am currently going through the lovelies of breast cancer.  I have found that talking with others and sharing my feelings through this experience has really helped me get some things "off my chest" as I literally get things off my chest.  Hopefully it will be helpful, insightful, and maybe we'll get a little laugh.  Thank you all for your prayers and love.  I feel so very blessed.  DeLayne